Why I Think Apple Bought Beats

So the huge news the last few days in the tech sphere has been the rumored acquisition of Beats Electronics by Apple. After the rumor got out, the speculation has been rampant from all ends of the internet. Everyone seems to have an opinion. It’s an interesting issue to examine given Apple’s current place in the music industry. Beats has always been seen and now you are doing this. Really, you are fucking doing this all out, like a real tech blogger. The opinion piece on the news of the day that hasn’t even been officially announced. Yeah, no, go on, keep it up, lets see how this goes.

There are many questions that have arisen from this rumored acquisition, including whether the Beats brand will remain independent, what executives will move to Apple, and how exactly the two companies will merge? I personally see this acquisitions as symbolizing a new wave of come on, really? Are you a member of Apple’s board? Do you have some deep connections to the inner workings of Beats? Who the fuck are you lowly wannabe tech blogger who has some vague notions of what you think Silicon Valley is like, while you’ve never even been there.

What the fuck, stop interrupting me with your criticisms, this is my blog, not Twitter! I like talking about tech, I enjoy speculating on things, what’s wrong with that?

Ok good, I think I’ve broken you out of your head just a bit now. First, there’s nothing wrong with speculating about tech acquisitions, but is this really worth your time? Couldn’t you be doing other things, things maybe slightly more worthwhile? Writing about things you actually know about? Being creative in some way?

I just want to write about tech and what everyone I follow in the tech sphere is talking about. That’s why I got into this community in the first place! If I didn’t want to talk about this stuff, I’d leave and find a new community.

I know, I know. I’m you of course. But why not talk about it in some unique way, or talk about some tech issue that others aren’t? Why do you have to regurgitate the same talking points every other blogger is discussing? This story has been told from a thousand different angles, is your blog post really adding anything new? Or you just typing out words and thoughts that no one much cares about or will remember in a week, just on the off chance some bigger fish tech blogger might link to you.

Fuck you and your proselytizing and judgment. It’s my blog and I can write about Beats if I damn well want! Ok, lets go… so I think the acquisition is great for Apple for a couple reasons. The first is the cultural philosophies of the two companies match up very well, to the point Beats has been on record that it was tremendously inspired by Apple. Come on now. I also think the streaming music service that Beats has created is a giant missing piece in Apple’s music strategy. Really, Apple’s music strategy? Apple has been faltering with gaining the mindshare of the music culture and needs to break down those walls to reach the untapped youth market. What are you even talking about here? Have you ever sat down in front of the mirror and contemplated your life to this point and wondered if you really, deep down to your core, care about the business practices of Apple?

Why do I have to care about it deep down to my core? Why can’t I just enjoy writing and discussing this as a hobby, as a way to unwind. Why does everything have to be unique and great, some things are just things that exist in the world. So just leave me alone and troll people on Twitter, ok?

Fine, I’ll leave you to write your blog post. I’m only trying to help.

Good, thank you. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so the $3.2 billion asking price represents a insignificant amount from Apple’s cash hoard that might not effect its standing in Wall Street and… oh fuck, he’s right isn’t he…

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